you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
