I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
