6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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