respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
