I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize