May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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