i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize