I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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