I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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