We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
