none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
