i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
