Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize