We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
