Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
