It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
