Your face is a jimmy john
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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