I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
