Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
