When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
