Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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