its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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