I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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