do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
