Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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