Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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