at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
