I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize