she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
