Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
