Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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