Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
