Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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