I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You've changed since you got that strap on
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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