Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
