All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The air was thick with penises
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
