I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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