Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
