Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
