I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
