nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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