Are we in a gay sports bar?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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