Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
