If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
