Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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