Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
