No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no, he came in my armpit
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
