Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
