Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My legs feel like baby dolphins
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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