I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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