i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
