I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
