He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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