Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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