you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
