She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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