Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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