I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
