it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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