I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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