saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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