I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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