i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
