Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
