we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
