I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize