Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
