I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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