He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
