You really coming over, don't trick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What a dumb baby whore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
