I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
