if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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