I can tuck mytits in my pants
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
