none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize