i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
