none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
