he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I currently don't understand fingers.
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