i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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