This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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