that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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