FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
50% drunk capacity currently
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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