everyone is single if you try hard enough
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize