I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the condom got lost in my hair
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
