Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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