Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
