i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize