it was like his penis was on wheels.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
