It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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