The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
