eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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