Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
