Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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