I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
