i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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