Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
