he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
