Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize