I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
