question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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