Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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