miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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