After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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