wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
