I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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