i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
