Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
