Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
