Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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